A Ribbon Cut As Red As my Heart

The California warmth has left my bones.

Now,

 old memories hang as heavy as these winter clouds,

  Again,

I am consumed by thoughts of you.

 Familiar smells,

 bring visions of your apocalyptic smile.

And I remember why I left.

 My bones feel that familiar ache

 as does my heart.

 Call me Phinnius, your trusted friend

and push me over this broken branch edge.

Over and over again.

I let you betray me

Call me a dull razor

 in the stillness of a cool climate.

 Allow me to slice into these dumb memories one at a time.

 My scars redden here,

like perforated edges showing me where to cut

And again,

I remember why I left.

Snow melts on wool scarves,

 wet shoes piled on top of a front door register.

Collapsing on to one another.

 They are drying out the way that I have so many times before.

 The morning light is my new medication,

I have given myself over to it,

 pushing myself on to it.

 I eat it up until my belly is swollen and plump.

Old words you have said, repeating themselves

Your voice, is a heavy heartbeat.

Your face a distant echo, clouding my mind, leaving no room for sleep

For now,

 I will carry you in a precious metal box, wrapped up in ice

 I do not dare open it.

 My lips are chapped enough and there is no reason to unfold the past

 For she, is a ribbon cut as red as my heart.